My official breastfeeding rant.

Just so I don't have to explain myself for the 10th time...

I quit Breastfeeding after 2.5 months....I waited for that 6 week turnover (apparently it does get easier)--it never showed up. From the moment Miranda was born, she was hungry. She would be on my breast literally 24/7 and screaming for more. Drops were coming in and she wanted more. My Lactation Consultants were stunned how hungry she was since most newborns aren't very hungry. I NEVER had to wake her to eat--she was always hungry. I had to supplement. Once my milk came in, she was fine.
Why did I stop Breastfeeding? I hated it. I didn't enjoy it at all. Perhaps it was the pain of an emergency c/s, the lack of sleep etc., but I just didn't like it. The bonding thing was Bulls$%t for me since my Michael was bonding with her well. I was extremely depressed. I was told that Breastfeeding was this amazing experience--it wasn't for me. Miranda wasn't happy either.
In hindsight I wish I had put it all together when she was 2-3 weeks old. She had reflux and I didn't know it--she was very fussy at the breast. My Lactation Consultants were again stunned how hungry she would be and how she would freak out for like 10-15 minutes, then latch on and feed. She constantly cried for no reason and had I known that she had reflux it would have made a difference. She would have fed without freaking out. I wish they too were more educated about stuff like that.
In the end, she would see my boob and scream--she made the connection that feeding time was painful. Not nice when your daughter sees you and screams. Another reason to hate Breastfeeding.
I was very depressed. I felt very guilty. The community I live in operates with the notion that formula is poison so everywhere I turned I told told to keep at it--only once when they would see Miranda in action did they shut up. That 6 weeks came and went and she was still very fussy and feeding time was getting worse. I also pumped to keep up my supply. I took Fenugreek and took prescription meds to increase my supply. Nothing helped in terms of getting her ONTO the breast.
I finally got a script for anti-depressants. I sat there, looked at it and asked myself, is it worth it to keep Breastfeeding, passing these meds onto my baby--just to breastfeed....For me, the answer was no.
It was a hard decision. Michael never supported me stopping, my Lactation Consultants told me I was making a huge mistake. I was very alone. I was supported by the community as long as I was Breastfeeding. I was educated--I took classes and she latched like a pro. My nipples were cracked or bleeding, but only mildly.
Miranda hated to eat, I thought she hated Breastfeeding. Now that we have her on meds for the reflux, I see the difference...If I only knew that...I would have kept on, despite not liking it.
As for getting up in the middle of the night and making bottles, washing bottles etc., Well I spending at least 10-15 minutes with her freaking out before every feeding. Add that add and it took less time to make bottles. And at least both of us were happy. Breastfeeding made both of us cry...a lot.
Breastfeeding is awesome when it all clicks; but can be the most heart wrenching depressing ordeal when it doesn't.
Before I had Miranda I was quite judgemental of people that quit after days or weeks of Breastfeeding...I have since apologized to them. People that don't know how horrible it can be, should keep their opinions to themselves.
At least I don't smoke.

Miranda's first night in her crib!

It was harder for me than her!
She is still sleeping!

I have been battling with Michael about this for weeks, actually probably well over a month. He has wanted his room back. (read: his wife back). Its a great reason/excuse with her in the room and I didn't want to budge.

I got it all ready, moving all her comforts into her room. I felt like it was an end of an era. She is no longer this helpless newborn. I am no longer Breastfeeding (thank God) so there is no need to have her so close. Now she is an infant, a baby we let cry it out. A baby that tells us what's wrong. I am not ready for this. Gosh, I am so typical! Michael would tell me that this is a sign that we are ready for another baby! ...uhhh......No!

She had her bath and took her final bottle and went right to sleep. I didn't want it to be that easy. I wanted her to need to sleep by me. I wanted her to fight it, but no. She is ready for independence. Or maybe the mattress is more comfortable than the pad in the bassinet...

Anyways, she woke up once, like always and instead of waking when we do at 7.30am, she is still sleeping and its past 9.30! I got so much done already! This may not be all bad.

This is hard...Why can't she stay small?