How many women...

I seriously don't get it. Can someone, anyone please tell me what makes a man think he has the right to kill his wife and child?

In the past few days two major stories have hit the airwaves. In both scenarios seemingly 'normal' men took the lives of the women they 'loved' and the child that they fathered. In one, the 'man' turned around and killed himself, in the other, not.

As we sit there, reading and watching these stories unfold, we say the same things: too bad, so bad, poor baby...We shrug our shoulders, thank God its no one we know and move on.

We are so used to hearing names like Scott Peterson, OJ Simpson, and Robert Pickton; we barely flinch when the news reveals what we already know. A woman killed by her man. As soon as she goes missing, we blame the guy and unfortunately more times than not, we are right.




Why do we not care? It's estimated that 1 in 4 women is abused (emotionally, physically, mentally etc.,) throughout her life. I actually think its more because its so under reported. That means that our of 102 females friends I have here on crackbook (and yes I counted) that at least 25 of you have been abused or are currently being abused by someone you love. That makes me want to punch a wall after I throw up.

Do we not care about our sisters, our mothers, our cousins, ourselves? Why is it that the most we do is have some pity, a pre-approved comment, then we resume our lives.

Other womanly tragedies such as breast cancer and eating disorders are exposed and so common*--we have no issues talking about early detection and intervention. Why can't we talk about the fact that if a woman is killed, she is most likely to be killed by someone she knows! Why isn't there a weekend to end domestic violence? Why can't we blow the doors right off of this. Who don't we teach this like we teach kids about everything else? Why can't we get the women the support and the men the help they need so that no more women have to die and no more kids have to loose their parents.

So I sit here, with all this frustration and what do I do with it? Babies are being killed; innocent children. There are no motives when you are killing a child!

I think I need to throw up....


And yes, I know that there are men out there being mistreated...no I mean abused, by their ladies. I actually feel just as bad for you...I would love to get some stats on that--I'll know there will be some SERIOUS under reporting there!
*And not to say that these diseases don't suck rocks, cuz they do!

Home is where my home is

I just got back from visiting family in Ontario. I got to see some awesome relatives, mostly notably my very old and very fragile grandmother. I got to hang out with my bestest friends; Nancy, Nataline, Michelle and Marg. I got to show off my gorgeous daughter to my parents, my sister and her family. I got to play with my nieces and nephews. I got to fly for the first time in over 10 years totally sober. It was so nice and just what the doctor ordered.
Brampton and Kamloops are over 4000km apart. They are extremely different in every way shape and form. I sat one night and thought about what I missed while being there and what I would miss once I got back home.

6 things I'll never miss about Brampton:

1. The traffic. Why does it take 45 mins to go 6km. Why is there constant construction and nothing looks like it ever gets done. When will the 410 be finished for crying out loud!
2. The crime. My first night there I watched the local news and the first 15 minutes were of horrific car accidents, shootings on public transport, random assaults including one on a 93 year old woman. WTF?
3. The dirtiness. I have never been more disgusted with all the trash all over the city. Its all over the highways, parks, roads, literally everywhere. It appalls me how much everyone liters. Have some pride people!
4. The uniform houses. Every house looks exactly the same. They all look the same on the outside and inside. I have 3 friends and their houses are totally the same. Why can't there be a mixtures of styles within one street; perhaps something other than brick maybe.
5. The aggressive drivers. What part of red light don't these people understand. While I'm at it, the speed limit is 100km/h, not 130km/h! Why you eyeballing me when you zoom past me doing 115 in the slow lane. Where are the cops here? Slow down. People die because of speeding.
6. The ugliness. Gosh its flat. I find it odd now that I can see the CN Tower from my friend's balcony. It doesn't seem right. Maybe its cuz I'm used to hills and mountains when I look out every window of my home. I'm used to going up and down these hills everyday. The landscape in Brampton consists of concrete and asphalt. It is not pretty in Brampton. Step outside of Southern Ontario and you'll know what I mean.

That being said....

6 things I hate about being in Kamloops:

1. The lack of shopping. I must have visited 4 Old Navy's while in Brampton. The shopping here totally blows. When I was pregnant, I had to drive 4 hours to get some decent maternity clothes.
2. The lack of decent restaurants. Who doesn't like good food?! Swiss Chalet, Kelsey's, Applebees are all missing here. We have White Spot, but nothing compares to the dipping sauce at Swiss Chalet...nothing.
3. I have no family here. I have my inlaws, which are all great people, but it isn't the same as having my dad make her laugh and my mom feed her food. I couldn't help smile every time they played with her. The joy was obvious. I miss my parents and my family everyday.
4. I have very few friends. My newest friend that I made was over 10 years ago. I miss my girls and chatting all night. I miss going for coffee and karaoke. I miss dropping in and visiting with their parents instead of them.
5. I miss the selection. There is so much of everything in Brampton. If you want something, you can find it there, no problems. For example, here, I have to schlep around town to the one of three stores that carry Miranda's formula. Everything shuts down early here too and Sunday the town disappears entirely!
6. The proximity to a major city. Toronto is about 20 mins (if that...its less if you are speeding!)away. Vancouver is about 4 hours away. A quick trip downtown Toronto is totally possible on a whim and takes little planning. Goodness, I pretty much have to stay the night if I want to go to Vancouver...or plan on spending 8-9 hours in a car in one day.

The grass is not green on either side. Home is where my heart is. Its sad because it always belonged to Brampton, where I was born and raised. With this visit, I now know that Brampton will now just be a place I visit. Home is where my home is.

I am pretty...Now there's proof!

Posh spice is a decent friend.

You know there are millions are quizzes on the net. Google it...I'm right. Everything from how good of a friend you are to which spice girl you are. I take some of them, but most I just skip to the end and read what I already know I am. I'm a decent friend. I am Posh Spice. I am middle of the road. Not either extreme, but average. Until now.
I took a 'are you depressed?' quiz a few days ago. Apparently, I am officially according to this quiz, depressed...and not just kinda down either, but full blown, 'go to the doctor now' type of depressed. Who knew?
I have been down since Miranda was born. The first 6 weeks they refer to it as 'baby blues'. Its mostly hormones and lack of sleep. Well here we are, almost 6 months later and I am still hormonal and some nights I get much less sleep than when we first brought her home. I know the lack of sleep in affecting my mood. Duh?! I haven't had a decent sleep since I was 7 months pregnant--so that's over 8 months of crappy sleep.
It also doesn't help that I still have tonnes of weight to loose. I am fat. My belly has thing apron thing going on. My stretch marks are still pink and I feel even though I am trying, the weight isn't coming off.
This isn't meant as a pity party for one. I am merely stating the fact that I never knew I was so depressed.

I went to the doctor about a month ago and without any warning to myself or him (poor guy!) I began sobbing. I had one simple question. What's the difference between postpartum depression and plain ole depression? He asked me some tough questions--mostly relating to hurting myself or Miranda (both were 'no'), and deciding that I was feeling more sleep deprived than anything else. Although he did some blood work to rule out a hormonal thing--came back negative. A month later, the aforementioned quiz and I disagree.
I am depressed. I don't need to preface the following with 'I love my daughter'...cuz you're pretty stupid if you think I don't love her.
Motherhood isn't what I thought it would be. No I didn't imagine my child sleeping through the night at 6 weeks or being so laid back, I could plop her in front of the TV for hours while I vegged on my online mommy board. But I thought by now (she is 6 months) that I wouldn't be waking up to her crying 4-8 times a night. I didn't think I would have to entertain her for 16 hours a day constantly. I didn't think my baby would be one of those babies that fights sleep, cat naps and gets bored very easily. I also thought my husband would pick up some slack around the home...I'd settle for him picking up his plate off the table and picking up his socks at this point!

Please don't give me hugs--hugs won't fix this and will not make me feel better. Please don't recommend books--I have them already. Please don't tell me about your child that sleeps 12 hours a day because 'she is satisfied'. Please don't tell me that my child is starving and that's why she won't sleep. Please don't tell me to let her cry herself to sleep--I've tried that and she cried so much she puked. I don't wanna clean vomit at 3am! Please don't tell me it will get easier, cuz unless you have the magic cure, it won't. Please don't tell me that this is better than 'working', its not better most days.

I am going to the doctor this week.

My baby is the cutest baby...ever!

Ok, I said it. Every parent thinks it. My baby has got to be the cutest. They recite it to anyone that will listen how the doctors said that their baby was the cutest he had ever seen....really, you're telling me Doctor so-and-so who delivered 10,000 babies says that first off he remembers all of them and yours is the cutest. Sure, whatever. Oh and the nurses said that too. Naturally, look at those ears--the way they stick out--adorable!

Then the constant fishing for compliments. Isn't my baby cute? I would love to say just for shock value, 'actually , your baby isn't that cute.' or 'I've seen cuter' But no, that would be rude!
The difference between all these people and me...well I've got the actual proof that my baby is without a doubt the most adorable baby ever. And I mean ever!


Exhibit A

Notice the smile as well as the cute pink outfit...clearly the cutest child around. Special shout out to Folta for the bunny hat!












Exhibit B

Notice again, the large red cheeks as well as the photogenic smile. If you look closely, you will see pierced ears--again definite proof of my claim.


Exhibit C

She is also very smart, which compliments her looks. The age stated on the box for this toy clearly states that it is intended for a child that is 4 months. This picture was taken was Miranda was 3 1/2 months. Clearly, she has looks AND brains. Well, she is my daughter after all!

The defense rests.